Why This Matters Now

More executives are hitting their goals and quietly feeling empty.

On paper, life looks successful.
The title. The income. The recognition.

But behind closed doors, many leaders feel drained, restless, and disconnected from the life they thought success would bring.

A recent Deloitte study found that over 60% of executives report feeling chronically stressed, even when performance metrics are strong. Achievement is no longer the problem. Alignment is.

And this disconnect is costing leaders more than energy.
It’s costing them joy, health, relationships, and time they can’t get back.

For executives navigating high-pressure environments in cities like Chicago, Austin, and other competitive markets, the pressure to perform quietly trains people to shrink. To play it safe. To prioritize approval over desire.

That’s how capable leaders end up living smaller lives than they deserve.

The Real Reason High Performers Play Small

What It Is

Playing small doesn’t look like laziness or lack of ambition.

It looks like:

• Overthinking decisions
• Waiting until you feel “ready”
• Muting ideas so you don’t stand out
• Choosing comfort over courage
• Caring deeply about how things will be perceived

Most executives don’t lack confidence.
They lack permission.

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Why It Works (Against You)

Your brain is designed to keep you safe, not fulfilled.

When you consider a bigger life, a bolder move, or a new identity, your nervous system flags risk. Not physical danger, but emotional exposure.

Failure.
Judgment.
Embarrassment.

So your brain offers protection:

• Delay the decision
• Lower the goal
• Talk yourself out of wanting more

This is why so many leaders pre-disappoint themselves.
They feel the emotion they’re afraid of before ever trying.

It’s not weakness.
It’s conditioning.

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How to Apply This Awareness

Use this simple reset:

• Notice where you are avoiding action
• Identify the emotion you’re trying not to feel
• Ask yourself, “Am I willing to feel this in exchange for the life I want?”

High-level leadership requires emotional availability, not emotional avoidance.

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Who Benefits From This Shift?

This mindset shift is for:

• Executives who are outwardly successful but inwardly restless
• Leaders who feel mispositioned, not underqualified
• High performers who want more than just career wins
• Professionals ready to stop living for approval

If your life looks better than it feels, this work is for you.

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Where This Shows Up in Real Life

Playing small shows up everywhere:

• Holding back in meetings
• Staying in roles that no longer fit
• Avoiding conversations that would change your life
• Delaying joy for “someday”

These micro-moments compound into years.

A Wake-Up Call Most People Never Get

For many leaders, the wake-up call comes quietly.

For me, it didn’t.

One normal day.
One routine appointment.
And suddenly, my family was called to a hospital where I was in a coma, on life support.

When you come that close to losing everything, clarity arrives instantly.

You stop caring about:

• The tone of emails
• Who approves of your ambition
• Whether your dreams look impressive
• Whether someone misunderstands you

You think about:

• Your kids
• Your partner
• The dreams you haven’t lived
• The version of you you’ve been too scared to become

Most people never get this moment.

That’s why I teach leaders how to access this clarity without tragedy.

Listen to the full episode of the 5% Club Podcast here.

The Permission Slip You’ve Been Waiting For

Here it is.

You’re allowed to:

• Want a bigger life
• Take up space
• Reinvent yourself at any age
• Stop caring about what doesn’t matter
• Chase dreams that don’t make sense to everyone

You weren’t put here to shrink.

Five percenters don’t wait for consensus.
They know and declare what they want.
They move before confidence arrives.
They build lives that feel as good as they look.

How to Stop Playing Small Starting Today

This isn’t about quitting your job or blowing up your life.

It’s about intentional design.

At work, you plan strategy, budgets, projects, and performance.

But most people never plan joy, memories, energy, or the life side of life.

That’s why I created Epic 2026. A one-day virtual retreat to design the year you actually want to live.

Not another vision board.
A real life strategy.

Learn more here, and join me on Sunday, January 18th, for a one-day virtual retreat that’ll change everything.

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Life is fragile.

But it’s also generous when you decide to actually live it.

If you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it.

Stop playing small.
Start living on purpose.

your coaching, your cheerleader, your accountability partner, Shayla

About the Author

Shayla King is a former C-suite executive, global M&A leader, and executive coach with over a decade of leadership experience. She works with senior leaders who want to increase performance, reduce unnecessary stress, and design lives they actually enjoy. Shayla is based in the United States and works with executives globally.